I am a wife and mommy of two, with a career and a vision. I love communication and mindset mentoring, and get energized when I can help others break through their comfort zones to pursue the experiences and fulfillment they dream of for their life.
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Mar 3, 2020
That voice in your head… The voice of the villain. Can we talk about that for a minute? Let me give you some good news. There is nothing external that will hold you back more than YOU will hold yourself back. Your mind is going to play games with you. It’s going to make you feel like you shouldn’t do the thing. It will try to make you stay safe. It will highlight all of the reasons why you’re not qualified. It will create stories about what other people are going to think. It will foster the idea that other people are going to be judging you. Some might be, and if that’s the case, let them judge.
We think we are too old, too young, not educated enough, not funny enough, and the list goes on… Imposter syndrome is no joke. Who am I to get the promotion, or to bring up this tough topic with a coworker? They probably won’t take me seriously anyway. So then, we talk ourselves out of it and end up harboring resentment because nothing changes. We need to take ownership there. You can’t control the reaction of your co-worker, boss, or family member when you confront a tough conversation, but the result doesn’t matter. When you push through the stories that you made up your mind about what could happen, and why you shouldn’t do the thing, or have the conversation, there is a sense of ownership and confidence. Regardless of the outcome, you can know that you put yourself out there, and now you are in a proactive mode to find a solution, versus a victim reactive mode, where you are just waiting to see what gets thrown at you, instead of you taking the wheel and influencing the outcomes for your life.
Let’s look at applying for a job, for example – research shows that women generally apply for a job if they feel they have 100% of the qualifications, whereas men apply if they feel they have 60%. To me, that lack of confidence to apply is rooted in this impostor syndrome.
In my corporate job, I am in 7% of women in the industry. Not only am I a woman, but I am relatively young for the industry. I have had to figure out a way to navigate and get past my own preconceived beliefs about how others were going to perceive me. I worried that I was going to be perceived as the token sales girl who didn’t really know what she was talking about but would come in to close the sale. That was the story I was telling myself that others were thinking, not necessarily reality. It could have been, and likely was in some cases though, and in order to work through that, I did a couple of things:
All of those things ultimately lead to confidence. And confidence will help you to move forward with conviction, and that’s contagious.
There is a theme here, in the stories we make up in our head about imposter syndrome. We hold ourselves back from doing so many things because we are ultimately afraid of what other people will think.
Something I’ve learned is that people aren’t spending the time or energy you think analyzing what YOU are doing. They are thinking about their own lives, their own desires and fears.
Your ego, the villain, will try to hold you back. The good news is that you can fight that battle. If you can recognize that voice when it creeps in, you can have power over it.